Love In The East Wing – OR – The Music Industry Is So Screwed Up And It’s So Hard Actually Selling CDs Much Less Getting People To Even Stop And Listen To New Artists, That We’re Actually Seriously Considering Actually Paying People To Listen Rather Than Dropping Our Prices Even Further Or Giving The Music Away For Free!

Love in the East Wing

OK folks, we got a great new idea here at Watchfire Music!  We’ve decided to pay you to listen to our music!

Rather than charge you $9.95 for our new CD entitled “Love In The East Wing” by fabulous new band Kamikaze Aardvarks, we’re going to pay you $5 to download the CD and listen to it.

In a recent staff meeting we discussed what it would take to get the attention of most people in the U.S. and get them to stop their busy lives and listen.  $1 was clearly not enough.  $2 was still a paltry sum.  We’re gonna try $5 knowing that that still might not be enough and are willing to take it up to 10 bucks a shot if necessary.

We have a $500,000 promotion budget for this new and exciting project and figure that we’ll turn 50,000 people on to “Love In The East Wing”.  Then they’ll tell their friends what a terrific CD this is and their friends will all buy the CD – unless, of course, they don’t file share.  We’re trusting in the integrity of people not to file share.  After all, that’s illegal.

We deeply considered the potential problem of what would happen if we paid each person their $5 to download, but then they never actually got around to listening to it and so we decided to put a hidden bomb into the download that melts their computer if the entire CD is not listened to fully within 48 hours.  After all, we have to protect our investment.

We’re excited about this new promotional idea and we hope you will be too!

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Wow, $500,000 is a lot to spend with so little guaranteed return!”  Well, yeah.  You’re right, but if you’ve got a better suggestion, we’re all ears.  After all, the music business is in the tank and we’re trying everything we can think of to turn things around.

There’s so much file sharing and so much illegal downloading that even giving music away for free doesn’t work anymore so we’re trying to stay on the cutting edge of the industry, trying to think into the future to where this is all going and we think with this revolutionary new idea we can create a whole new paradigm.

Will it work?  We think so.  Imagine if we do this with all our music!  We have over a hundred artists and 2000 songs.  With this new innovation, why, people could become millionaires just by sitting around all day listening to music!  Who wouldn’t want to do that?  You wouldn’t even have to go to work.  Just quit your job and stay home all day listening and downloading like crazy.  And, best of all, getting paid to do so!

I’m thinking of doing it myself with my own company.  Why, I could make a ton of money and reinvest it into the company when we run out in the next month and a half.

Well, perhaps we haven’t worked out all the kinks in this new idea, but I think we’re really on to something here, don’t you?

So go in today and quit your jobs and get your ol’ easy chair set up in front of your computer speakers and get ready to get rich.

It’s a whole new world and we’re on the forefront of a new, exciting and revolutionary idea.  It’s just great to have finally found an idea that we believe will turn this industry around.

And if I’ve made you a believer in this great new idea, I’ve got another great idea I’d like to talk to you about.  You see there’s this bridge that spans the East River from Manhattan to Brooklyn that I’m selling.  I can get you a fabulous deal on it…

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