Yes, I’m alive! I woke up this morning, heart still pounding, breath still coming. Lay there thinking. Wondering at the miracle of life.
I’m alive. The black pixilated letters appearing before me, one by one, on this screen prove it. I move one moment to the next, recording thoughts, correcting mistakes, typing on, wondering where it’s all going. Having no idea why it continues, a little nervous that if I think about it too deeply, I might discover something, a fallacy, perhaps, and then it just could stop.
And yet I plow on. There’s a slight buzz in my hands, a stiffness to my fingers, I hear the air conditioner mumbling in the room, I taste the chocolate from my cocoa as it lingers on my tongue. I turn my head and hear my neck snap and creak as my body wakes slowly to the morning.
I’m alive. The cold steel dullness of my tensions continue to erode my spirit, steal my joy, worry my mind, wreak havoc on my creativity, but I’m still here this morning to overcome all this. My right forearm aches from far too many mousings and yet I continue to grab that mouse and roll its ball to move the cursor to write this blog to get my thoughts out… to heal.
The Post-its on my desk scream at me their insistence – “ME, ME, ME”. Some are so old the stickie’s wearing off and they far too often float to the floor in abject frustration. I can’t keep up. There are not enough hours in the day! And yet…
I’m alive. There’s a chance that I can make it. A chance that I can plow on and get it all done. A chance that some miracle might happen and I could get some help, catch a second wind, be inspired, heal an arm, lift a spirit, get on a plane and travel away to another place and time and even leave it all behind. I’m alive to do just that. I’m alive to make a choice and take control of my life instead of this mortal matter mind controlling me.
I am conscious of all these things. I’m awake now and running the fringes of the future, dangerously tiptoeing along the edge of my much too busy day, balancing on the crumbling edge between gloom and joy. I’m fighting to stay sane amid far too many thoughts of future obstacles, fighting to stay in the here and now and winning, losing, then winning momentarily, but losing again.
But I’m alive to fight, alive to think, alive to talk to Pete and encourage him to stay the course. To maintain consciousness and not lose myself in self and slip down into the abyss of unconscious meanderings through yet another crazy day of stress, tension, disappointment, frustration – anger.
A wise man once said, “If you’re walking through hell, just keep on walking.” Simple, stupid, but good advice. I’m alive to put one foot in front of another. I’m alive to impulse the muscles in my tired legs to move on through it all. I’m actually going to survive just by being alive.
Some people quit, some tap out, some crawl into a hole and never come out. “That’s not me”, I proclaim. My great high school track coach taught me how to keep on running. My great high school football coach taught me how to keep on tackling harder and harder. I know they were right because I’ve proven their wisdom over and over in my life. Why should now be different? After all, I’m alive to have the chance to prove them right yet again.
Perhaps that’s my protection against death – the fact that I’ll live to live. I still have the consciousness to compete, still have the inner fiber to take another step, face another Post-it, handle another stressful moment with grace, without snapping, with love in my heart, with heart in my chest pounding out its life beat by beat as I live.
So many mornings of waking up to the same consciousness of life. How many, I cannot count. Something close to 25,000 mornings of renewed will to go on, to face another day, to challenge the obstacles of life, to hope the heart continues to pound out its ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump…
But it does. It does. Life goes on and I’m grateful. It’s hard, but consider the alternative. I’d rather not. What a waste of time on planet Earth to consider the alternative!
Today I shall consciously consider the ka-thump of life and joy in it, plow on, crumple up a few of those incessant Post-its and throw them into the trash. Today I shall work to survive, work to reflect a little clarity of thought, work to love a bit more. I have this chance. I’d better take it. Taking it is my protection. If I don’t exercise my being alive, I’m pretty stupid about life. I better get busy working my being alive muscles before they weaken.
You just read this. You’re alive too. Let’s, in this moment, support each other’s aliveness. I’m grateful for your life. I’m grateful that the same life that’s pouring through you right now is also pouring through me.
That’s pretty cool. This being alive stuff is what life is all about. What more can I say?
For more inspirational music, thoughts and ideas from Peter Link,
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